The Power of a Diagnosis

When I received my diagnosis in 2007, I sunk with relief into what that meant. Finally, I had something that made sense of who I was and what choices I made. There were explanations for and understandings of my behaviors, my feelings and my words. I felt seen and safe for the first time in my life.

My diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) gave me a set of boundaries to rest in after a very tumultuous decade or so. It gave me a set of realistic expectations for what I could manage in life during a crisis and during times of wellness. I had a voice to speak from.

BPD was still very misunderstood at the time, and I was told that I would likely live in supported housing for the rest of my life and would never be able to hold down a job, and that people did not recover from BPD. I was ok with that, at that time I was in and out of the psych ward and had no idea which way was up. I was exhausted, afraid and ashamed of how my life was turning out. I was toxic to be around and not many people had the capacity to remain my friend.

After a while, when I was feeling rested and safer, those same boundaries that gave me refuge, now gave me something to push against. A way to test what I was capable of in opposition to my diagnosis. Working with my mental health team (and often against!), I gradually went back to work, getting jobs that were becoming more professional and career oriented as I gained confidence. Every now and then I stumbled, and I learnt to rest. Sometimes graciously, other times not so much.

Over time I learnt how to build and maintain relationships. I found that I really loved the challenge of learning new skills and have quite the reputation in my circle as being someone who is not afraid to try new things. Consequently, I now have a diverse family of friends that I really love being with.

There were consistent themes to what caused me to stumble, and I was often frustrated and shamed that I had not learnt to find solutions to those things. Not as many jobs and not as many relationships lasted as long as I hoped for, my regular ‘flare up’s’ or ‘relapses’ saw to that. I felt hopeless and despaired of ever truly breaking through the limits BPD created. The cage that once soothed me now felt like a prison.

In more recent years I discovered Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and I instinctively trusted the philosophy and processes that underpin NLP. Under the guidance of some very experienced and generous practitioners and trainers I not only had extensive personal coaching, but went on to study my NLP Practitioners course, gained my NLP Master Practitioners certification and became a Hypnotist. I have since started my own business (Imaginal Coaching), developed products I believe in and created networks that are inspiring and supportive.

These days I consider myself 95% recovered from BPD on a good day, 90% on a more challenging day. I still get a real kick out of ‘watching’ myself handle life these days. My reactions and responses to life’s quirks are healthy and resourceful and leave me with so much more energy than I am accustomed to. I bounce back from setbacks and delays and relationships with people no longer feel abrasive and dangerous.

Are there things about myself I want to work on? You bet! We are our life’s work and year by year we peel back the layers and heal them, shoring up our strengths and supporting our weaknesses: regardless of your lived experience.

Could I have done what I have done in the last two years without NLP? For me, the answer is a resounding no.